Betty’s Entry - Buns and Cocks

My husband is on his last leg (he lost the other one, bless him). The doctors give him 4 months, but I give him 3. Mavis and I have done our best over the past 2 years to make him comfortable. We gave him our smaller bedroom and decorated and soundproofed it for him, and Mavis gives him a bed bath once a week, but he’s on his way out now.

I’ve just come back from the Co-op. I’ve been arranging his funeral ahead of time as I’ve got enough on my plate with all this Woldstock nonsense and anyway, it’s best to get it sorted out now. It was only a week ago that I buried Aphrodite. It really took it out of me, but our Mavis was a real rock – she was there in my darkest moments. To lose your soul mate so suddenly at my age can really test your stiff-upper-lipness…”keep it stiff” my mother used to say and I’ve kept it stiff ever since. Still, we gave her a cracking send off and Mavis and I made a large cheese omelette with the last of her eggs to celebrate her life at her wake – that chicken was the love of my life, really understood me and I miss her dreadfully. And I tell you another thing, both Felicity and Germaine miss her too; they’ve been clucking erratically around their coup for days. Still, I’ve arranged for the arrival of a big cock called Ernest who’ll cheer them up and give them a good seeing to. I’ve taken the gracious step of naming him after my soon-to-be late husband.

We’re just going to have a cuppa and a bun at my husband’s wake. Budgens have got some current ones half price this week, so I bought a couple of packets to put in the freezer. With any luck, he’ll go just around the time they need to be eaten.

Anyhow, I’ve got to go out to the village hall with Mavis now to audition some contortionists who are going to perform “YMCA” with the Mayor at the Woldstock Music Festival. Mavis wants to measure the length of their splits so they don’t overshoot the end of the stage and Mayor is coming along to offer a second opinion.

Right, just got to check on my husband in case I need to take those current buns out early.