OUR FIRST ENTRY, HURRAH!

7am

What a fabulous morning. I’ve milked the cow, shovelled up the dung, kicked off my hunters and am now having an absolutely fabulous cup of camomile tea in my country kitchen. It’s only 7am and everything here in Woldstock is tickety-boo.

We’ve got a super, young chap from ‘Look Closer’ TV coming to interview both Harriet and I about our forthcoming Woldstock Music Festival. It’s such a marvellous idea of Harriet’s. She knows all about music festivals as she’s from London. She says she moved to the country for a better quality of life, but Betty heard that she had to ‘escape from the big smoke’ – I can only guess she had a fire, but she’s a sturdy young filly, she’ll get over it with a stiff upper lip and all that.

11am

If only you lovelies could all smell my room! I’ve just made an enormous batch of fairy cakes in preparation of our visit from ‘Look Closer’s’ Dermott Kidder. Harriet showed me a picture of him on the intranet and I must say he looks in need of a good homemade sumptuous meal. He can’t possibly come from the country – if he did, he’d have some lovely firm meat on those bones and a super ruddy complexion. Harriet thinks he looks a little ‘wasted’ and on ‘the weed’. We’ll get some of these cakes down his neck; make a man of him, he won’t look ‘wasted’ then. I ask you, a man can’t survive on weeds – honestly, vegetarians! That young man needs a raw bloody steak on his plate! Harriet will be over soon. She’s so excited about being on the television. She’s bought some colourful wellies and had her moustache waxed.

1pm

Oh my god, I’m like just so nervous. I’ve had a snifter of Juniper’s homemade sloe gin, but unlike her it hasn’t calmed me down - I’m a Louis Vitton bag of nerves, yeah. The film crew are just setting up. Well actually it’s only that Dermott guy and his cameraman and he’s a total nosh! He obviously works out. The Dermott guy is just so like totally weedy – even thinner than his internet pictures, yeah. Juniper’s bought her picnic basket. It’s packed full of all her homemade goodies – Wiltonberry jam scones, camembert cheese and crackers and a bottle of Bolly. I did slip in a couple of my ‘hash’ cakes and a condom just to spice things up a bit. Oh, they’re calling me to start the interview yeah; I’m like just totally in the moment – moo baby, yeah!

3pm

What a fabulous interview and what a lovely pair of chaps. Harriet did remarkably well to make such sense and I did a wonderful piece-to-camera. Dermott said I was a lovely lady with a wonderful sense of fashion and that Harriet seemed like a ‘real pro’…..why he winked at the cameraman when he said that can only suggest that Harriet has a very promising career in TV – what a super and thoughtful man. Unfortunately, they declined my offer of a fairy cake, but the cameraman did say that Dermott often has a ‘Cream Horn’ when he wakes up in the morning and likes to wash it down with a nice hot cup of tea; that’s fabulous news at least he’s eating something. I promised him that Harriet and I would give them all a splendid Cream Horn when we next meet at our committee meeting. For some reason, they both ran off after the interview saying that they had another appointment which was a shame. Harriet was devastated and had a few tears, but I told her to stuff it all back down and put a brave face on it; of course she’ll use the condom before its use by date. I found some rather odd looking patties in my basket that smelled a bit ‘off’, so I gave them to the sheep….I think I’m going to have to call the vet as they’re acting up a bit. Still, we did a stirling job at promoting the Woldstock Music Festival – see the video link for the full interview….it’s achingly fabulous.

7pm

I’ve just finished writing the agenda for the Woldstock Music Festival committee meeting, of which I am Chair. I must say, we are blessed to have such a dedicated and intelligent bunch on the committee. With her extensive PR & Marketing skills from London, Harriet is best placed to be my vice-chair and we are lucky enough to have our fantastic mayor, who is all the way from America you know. He has a voice as deep and fabulous as the late Barry White – Woldstock really is a cosmopolitan village you know and we are always tremendously keen to welcome outsiders. Mayor is always happy to visit the ladies of the village – he says he wants to become acquainted with us all on a more personal level, that way, he says, he can be more effective at his job – how utterly lovely of him.

Mavis and Betty, who live together with their chickens, help out enormously and will re-house the livestock in preparation for the event and dear old Dorothy, who has trouble walking due to chafing between the legs, does her bit. How utterly marvellous then that Mavis has made some delightful herbal cream which she herself used to use when she was at the ‘Folly Bergere’. Both she and Betty take in turns to regularly rub it on Dorothy’s thighs. They always tell us that if Dorothy’s curtains are closed then they are in the middle of a good rubbing. Apparently the light or visitors come to that, can make the cream go off – I must say that Woldstock really does bring out the humanitarian in people. Righty-ho, I must tuck in the animals and then run myself a hot bath using some of Mavis’s homemade chocolate bubble bath & sort out these calluses on my feet – how utterly super.

The super young man from the old beeb, kindly gave me one....watch it here