Betty's entry - Readers wives

Oh my giddy aunt, Ernest has gone blind in his right eye. Mavis has blinded him good and proper I can tell you. There’s no point in taking him to the hospital as he’s nearly dead anyway and I can’t carry him because of my back. He’ll just have to make do with the good eye he’s got left.

Still, a visit from our Mayor cheered me up. Actually, he came by with some gentlemen’s literature for Ernest. It’s such a shame he can’t read it, but Mayor said it has some lovely animal pictures for him to try and look at instead – women proudly photographed with their puppies and the like…how lovely - he does love a bit of nature does our Ernest and it’ll take his mind off of dying for a bit.

That Juniper is due around very soon to talk to us about the music festival and apparently someone has stolen her homemade colonic irrigation tube that she uses to flush out her sheep. The village is rife….rife I tell you…with accusations. Mayor was the last person to see it apparently, but has denied ever seeing it. That Harlot is rumoured to be saying that he enjoys weird sex games with a pipe, but I told her I did, “How dare you! What can someone possibly do with a pipe?!” Mayor is an upstanding member of the Woldstock community and anyway, he’s told us he’s been celibate for 20 years.

Anyway, Mavis and I have booked our holiday. Hopefully Ernest will die on time and we won’t lose our deposit. We decided to go to Ibiza. We love dancing do Mavis and I and as long as her arthritis and my back hold up, we should be in for a good time. Mavis booked it with a holiday company called “Rave All About It, Holidays” and apparently – for some reason - they queried her age. She told them she was 25! She says they looked very shocked. I tell you, in the dark, she could pass for 24. As for me, well Mayor says I have the body of an 18 year old. He’s so complimentary is Mayor and seldom wrong about these things. Juniper has offered to look after the chickens and Dorothy said she’d nip into the house and water the plants, including the ones that have to be kept under the artificial light.





Anyway, I’m going upstairs now to read Ernest some of his magazine. There’s a section called ‘Readers Wives’ – now that’s what I call thoughtful. At least there are other women in the same position as me.