Juniper's entry - I've lost my pipe

I’ve had a cataclysmic disaster of infinite proportions – I’ve lost my pipe. I am incomprehensibly devastated. I spent a frightful amount of time constructing a truly super colonic irrigation pipe for my sheep, but it seems to have gone missing during one of my soirees. Mayor, Mavis & Betty and the rest of the Woldstock committee came around for my Babycham-and-Nibbles cocktail party last week and it is with regret, dear readers that I have to inform you that it is since this soiree that my pipe has been missing. What truly worries me is that without my pipe, I am unable to flush out my prize ewe, ‘Monica’. The vet has informed me in no uncertain terms, that should ‘Monica’ remain congested, she could suffer unimaginable flatulence problems….I am beside myself with worry.

On a much lighter note, I have been invited out to lunch by Dermott Kydder, that super young fellow from ‘Look Closer’ TV. Apparently he also writes a fabulous column for ‘Horse and Hare’ magazine and he would like to conduct a simply magnificent interview with me about our forthcoming Woldstock Music Festival. We are to have luncheon at a marvellous little boutique hotel around the back of London’s Kings Cross Station. When I conveyed my generosity at being dined in such a highbrow hotel suite for lunch, he reliably informed that I was worth it and that he was paying with cash by the hour. I am terribly excited and have been to Marks and Sparks to buy myself a new tweed skirt and some pantyhose.


Harriet and I are devising a Woldstock Festival recipe book. It will be jam packed with lots of luscious recipes ranging from my prized Wiltonberry jam to Harriet’s ‘Hash Browns’. Dorothy is going to make a batch of her chaffing cream especially for the festival too. I can confirm that it is the most utterly sensual cream I have ever rubbed into my thighs. I must confess that my suspender belt can have a tendency to make me sore, but a little dab of Dotty’s cream makes me moan with utter delight.


But back to the urgent matter in hand, I must go now and nip off to the DIY store and buy some more pipe. Until next time dear people……..